My precious Brighton. My eldest child. The one who made me a momma. The one over whom I've shed the most tears and spent the most days missing. Three years ago, we found out God had placed this little soul into our lives, and left them completely changed. Every day since then has been directly and deeply impacted by the knowledge that this child exists and the love we have for this child that has no place to go. There's a beauty that I can't help but recognize in realizing that this never-ending grief and disappointment, the tears that flow steadily even three years later, all stem from a love that is natural and pure and deep; a mother's love for her child. I have loved this child fiercely, and have defended his or her life and worth time and time again to myself and others in my words and my actions. I am grateful and unashamed to call myself a mom because of this child.God has made me who I am through Brighton. This child caused me to lose all my confidence and then find it back again in a more loving, compassionate, Christ-centered, focused, and determined way than ever before. This child is the reason that I am passionate about every child being loved every day, and why we have had the joy of being foster parents. This child is why I started writing, because I felt like this life needed to be known and recognized and I couldn't stand the thought of my beloved child being forgotten and not missed, and I wanted other mommas to know that their children and their motherhood are not forgotten in the absence of their child either; the Lord sees, and so do I. The knowledge that this child is with Jesus keeps me looking heavenward and gives me a tangible reminder of the marvelous grace of our loving lord who keeps those whom he has called to himself safe and secure in him through all the days of their lives, be they 90 years or 1 month.
The past 3 years have been amazingly hard; God has done amazing things through deep joy and unimaginable grief. God has done incredible good through our love for this little soul. I am grateful to have been granted the heart of a momma that rests in Jesus Christ as her children come and go from this life and this home; gone but never forgotten, never not missed, and never not loved from now until eternity when we meet in the presence of Jesus Christ; our savior, our hope, our comfort and joy, our greatest love, the one who glorifies himself in even the darkest of days and gives purpose to our sorrows. To know that he has been glorified through the life of my beloved Brighton, and loves this child for all eternity is the fulfillment of the most aching prayer of a christian parent for her child. I am deeply grateful in the midst of deep grief for this mercy from the Lord, and I am grateful for Brighton, the little soul that has forever changed our lives for the better.
