A Year After Goodbye

I woke up thinking about her this morning. I woke up thinking that when I woke up 1 year ago, I didn’t know I’d tucked her in to bed for the last time. When I left for work that day, I had no idea I’d be getting the call a few hours later: “she’s leaving. You have 2 hours.” I didn’t know I’d break down in the daycare in the arms of the director when I went to bring her to our home for the last time. I didn’t know that the princess who taught me what it was like to be a mom; the indescribable, overwhelming love I never knew I could feel, was going home to her rightful and wonderful new mommy. But Mostly, I woke up today thanking God for her family who loved her and showed up for her and fought for what was right for her every day for two and a half months while we cared for her. I woke up today thinking about what I wish I’d know then that I know now that could have made it easier for all of us, regretting that I didn’t know I could offer FaceTime and open communication. I woke up today remembering that the hardest thing I’ve ever done, was also one of the best; I handed a happy, healthy, loved child off to her people; we did what we’d signed up to do: we said goodbye. And it was hard, and it was right, and it was good, and I thank God every day that I know without a doubt that the precious girl who I rocked to sleep, and nursed back to health, and snuggled, and sang to is just as deeply and wonderfully loved today as she was a year ago. That’s not something every foster parent can say. It’s not something we can always say about each of our foster-loves, and we don’t take it for granted when we can. I didn’t expect this day to be so full of memories and emotion for me a year later, but we loved her so much more than we could have ever imagined, she made us parents, and she made us fall in love with fostering; she played a part in our story. And more than anything, I’m privileged to have played a small part in hers; a story that continues on without us, but which continues on full of love and care and happiness with her own people, right where she belongs.