A Name.

After two years and eighteen days, we named our baby. This is why:

Our child is a person. Present tense. Right now. Forever. Sometimes I feel like I have to fight for my child's humanity. A name makes that truth so much more of a reality for us and for others. 

Everyone has a name. The Lord calls us by our names-- the names that our parents gave us. And the Lord calls our Children by the names we have given them. And even though it has taken us this long, the Lord has called our child by his or her name from the day that he or she first existed. Isn't He amazing? Isn't it odd that an infinite, sovereign, powerful God lets us choose what He will call our Children? In the midst of the grief and loss and waiting that are beyond our control, the Lord has allowed us to choose this one thing. 

At first we felt odd about choosing a name for a child we never met. It didn't help that I generally hate gender-neutral names and was not going to give my child a name that I didn't like. And when you don't know the gender of your child, and never will this side of eternity, those are your only options. Because (sorry, not sorry) you cannot just decide what gender your child is. We believe that our child is REAL and HUMAN and EXISTS. And after 2 years, we realized that our child needed a name.  And, WE needed our child to have a name. And I finally found the one name in the universe that is gender-neutral and that I love and that is perfect for our child. I always thought that if I saw it, I would know it. And I did. 

You don't refer to your grandparent's death as "the heart-attack," you refer to it as "when grandpa died." So why on earth do we refer to the death of our child as "the miscarriage?" Well, because we didn't have a name. But using this terminology contributed to diminishing the humanity of our child. Having a name lets us call it what it is.

If you think you're never going to need a name, then you don't pick one. But after two years, it occurred to us that this child is a part of our EVERY-DAY-LIFE even though they aren't here to share it with us. There are days that their absence is nearly as noticeable as their presence would have been. There are moments when it is equally so. Today, for the first time, we've given that missing piece of our lives a name: Brighton Grey Pinckard will be a part of our family that we will cherish forever, and we will look forward to the day when we finally meet face to face.

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           Brighton                                         Grey                                  Pinckard

     (One Who Is Loved)                 (Both Dark and Light)                  (Our Family)

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