Update

This is a much more practical post than I usually write, but I wanted to give a picture of how things are going with baby #4! Our last ultrasound was a week ago and I was able to see our healthy baby moving around during the ultrasound, it was an amazing experience! Sadly Matt wasn't able to be there, so we are looking forward to the next ultrasound even more because of that!

As expected from my past experience, I've felt pretty horrible for most of this pregnancy so far. It's hard not to throw myself a pity party most days when I think about just how hard everything about pregnancy has been for me so far. I get so frustrated that I couldn't get pregnant, couldn't stay pregnant, and now that I am pregnant I can't even enjoy it because of how sick I am. My body just hates pregnancy. On top of that, every twinge sets me on edge wondering if something is wrong with the baby, and it just becomes physically and mentally exhausting. I've gone back to work temporarily to fill in for a maternity leave, and thankfully I tend to feel okay at work, but once I get home in the evenings and on days that I'm home my body just crashes and I spend most of my time in bed. Going back to work also means that Jellybean has gone back to daycare where she, and by extension I, catch every bug that goes around the classroom. On top of all of this we have been dealing with some difficult things in Jellybean's case that have taken up time, energy and emotion beyond what caring for her normally requires. It's just been a really hard couple of weeks, I'm hoping and praying the second trimester will bring better things and allow me to fully appreciate and enjoy growing this baby that we've longed for for so long!

On a brighter note, I was able to stop two of my medications this week, bringing my total down to four instead of six daily, which is really exciting to me! The progesterone was a precaution we took for the first 9 weeks, and was by far the most expensive of my medications (a month's worth was more than our rent!) so we are looking forward to not having to pay for it anymore, but I am also hoping that some of my fatigue and nausea will ease up now that I've stopped it. I also had a thyroid check-up this week, and found that the smallest dose of the medication for my hypothyroidism was too much and was causing me to swing in the other direction. I'm hopeful that this is what was causing some of my rapid weight loss and that correcting it will help!

Stopping those two medications leaves me with just my heparin injections twice a day along with baby aspirin to counteract my blood clotting disorder that was responsible for the miscarriages, zofran to try to ease the nausea and vomiting, and my vitamins to make sure baby gets everything he/she needs even though I haven't been able to eat well.

Something we are extremely grateful for right now is that I was able to qualify for medicaid, and even though my OBGYN doesn't normally take medicaid patients, she agreed to make an exception in my case. Initially we were concerned because she was no longer in network with our health sharing group, and we thought we may have to choose between paying out of pocket to continue seeing the doctor I trust, or going to a new doctor who didn't know me or my history and who I hadn't already established trust with, so we are thrilled with these developments and grateful that we won't have to be concerned with medical costs along with everything else, and that I can continue seeing the doctor whom I adore and trust completely with my life and my child's life!

Of course above all we are just thankful that baby is doing well and appears perfectly healthy, and as miserable as the day-to-day is, it really will be worth it to hold this child in my arms! Please continue to pray for all of us; that baby stays healthy, that I start feeling better, that everyone will make the right decisions for jellybean and that those decisions will be made quickly, and for Matt as he has taken on so much to care for all 3 of us during this time and does it so well!