Foster Care: Honest Answers to Honest Questions

We've been licensed foster parents for 9 months now, and wanted to take some time to answer the most common questions we've gotten, and other questions that you have about foster care, foster kids, and foster parents! These are my answers from my own experience and training; the information I give is accurate to the best of my knowledge for my state and county, but may not be the same everywhere and may change! I've categorized by subject, so feel free to read everything or just the parts that interest you! If you have any other questions, drop a comment or message me! Here we go!

Day to Day Life:

Q. Are you still working? 

A. Yes! While I hope to stay home full time or most of the time after Matt graduates and finds a job, right now I am still working outside the home!

Q. How does daycare work?

A. Child Protective Services partners with a number of daycares through a voucher program. This voucher is good for a set amount towards the daycare tuition, determined by the child's age. For example, our chosen daycare charges $40/wk more than our voucher is good for (because we don't have a ton of good options in our neighborhood and we're picky!). This means that CPS pays the voucher amount each week, and we pay the extra $40. We use our CPS reimbursement to cover this cost, meaning that daycare is free for us!

Q. How quickly do your kids start daycare?

A. It depends. We have a back-up daycare that has so far told us every time that they can start the next day. Our preferred daycare is wonderful about working with foster families, and will usually be able to make an opening within a week or so. The children also have to be up-to-date on their shots to start daycare which can sometimes be an issue (aka spending 4 hours at the health department the day before they start daycare). I prefer to take some time off to bond with a new child if possible, and Matt's schedule as a student allows him some time at home. Between this and some neighbors who are foster parents and our approved babysitters, we can minimize my time off work, and allow the child some time with us to adjust before beginning daycare.

Q. How does working full time work?

A. Teamwork! You, your spouse or family, your close support network, and your social worker work together to make sure the needs of the child and the requirements of the system are met. Social workers will take children to visitation and doctor appointments if you aren't able to, but we try to do as much of it ourselves as possible! It's also important to know that foster care falls under the Family Medical Leave Act. You can talk to your HR director at work to find out what this means in your company and discuss your leave options when you receive a new placement or need to take time off for court and doctor appointments! My office is incredibly understanding and flexible with me when it comes to foster care, which I don't take for granted, and try not to take unfair advantage of! One of the common questions I see is if you can be single and be a foster parent; I'm going to lump this in here. Yes, you can be single and be a foster parent. I can't imagine doing it as a single parent, but I also can't imagine being a single parent generally speaking! If you have a great community of support, and are willing to take some time off work for it, you can do it! It won't be easy, but it's allowed and possible! Preference may be given to two parent homes (I don't know!), but mostly CPS just wants to put kids in loving homes!

Q. What is the "reimbursement" you mentioned?

A. As a general rule, foster parents don't talk about the financial side of it very much. What I generally say is "we don't do it for the money, but it would be a lot harder to do it without it." The reimbursement is designed to cover the costs of caring for a child in your home. It is not a "payment". There are rules for what it must be spent on, and we've found that it very comfortably covers everything we need for the child and allows us to involve them in all of our normal family activities and trips. At the end of a placement anything we spent the reimbursement on that the child still uses goes with them.

Q. What do foster children call their foster parents?

A.Whatever the child wants to. We haven't personally dealt with this as all of our foster loves have been infants so far but I have a few thoughts on it. The most important thing is that the child is comfortable, especially while they process the change and adjust to their new environment. I've heard of foster children calling their foster parents many different things. Some kids prefer to call them mom and dad because it won't draw attention to the fact that they are foster children when out in public. Some call them mom and dad because it's what their foster siblings call them. Some call them by their first names or "Momma <First Name>". I don't have any issues with a foster child calling me mommy, because I think it's possible for kids to have more than one mom for a while, but if a bio-mom didn't want them calling me mommy I would do my best to respect and accommodate that. We don't immediately call ourselves mom and dad when we get a placement, especially with shorter placements. As we learn about the role of their birth parents in their lives, we may feel more comfortable with it. For example, if a child doesn't have a father figure in their life, we would be more comfortable calling Matt dad. Please feel free to ask a foster-parent what their kids call them, or just pay attention to the family interactions to find out, so you can be consistent with their terminology! This is so helpful to the kids and the parents!

Requirements

Q. Who can be a foster parent?

A. Just about anyone (which probably means YOU!). Y'all, I'm 25 and my husband is in grad-school; I'm serious, almost anyone is allowed to do this if you have a heart for it! In our state you must be either legally married or legally single (no live-ins).You must be able to demonstrate that you are financially independent (make more than your expenses each month). You can have loans and debt, as long as your monthly payments don't mean that you are earning less than you spend. You can work full-time, part-time or stay at home as long as you meet these requirements and are able to arrange approved childcare for the time you need it. There is a limit on the number of children you may have living in your home, which I believe in our state is 4. Most states have a similar requirement, but some are so desperate for good foster-parents that they may waive this requirement. You must have a medical professional complete an general physical and fill out an accompanying form to prove you are physically capable of caring for foster children. You also can't have a criminal record (a parking ticket won't stop you from becoming a foster-parent though, only serious or repeated offenses!), everyone over 14 in the home must pass a background check.

Q. What are the requirements for your home?

A. SAFETY! This is a hard question as I never actually received a list of requirements, but I'll go through the main things. First of all, you have to have room for a foster-child (but not necessarily A room!). You can live in an apartment or a house. We have a unique living situation, and CPS never batted an eye at it! Children under 18 months may share a room with their foster parents. Children of the same gender and within 2 years of each other may share a bedroom (up to 2 children per room, though exceptions may be made to this, especially for sibling groups). I believe that your own opposite gender children may share a room, but the foster-child may only share a room within these requirements. A foster child must have their own age-appropriate bed. Past that, it's a matter of making the home safe: basic baby-proofing, locking up medicines and cleaning supplies, and having smoke detectors, a 5lb fire extinguisher, a Carbon Monoxide detector, and a fire escape ladder if the child sleeps on the second floor or higher of a building. 

The Licensure Process

Q. How long does it take to become a foster parent?

A. It took us 4 months from submitting our first application to getting licensed. And then another 2.5 months before welcoming our first placement. This is EXTREMELY SHORT compared to most states where you're told to plan on it taking a year to get licensed.

Q. What does the licensing process involve?

A. Background check, training, and a homestudy. First, we submitted an online application with CPS. Then once we were contacted by a social worker a month later, we had an initial walk-through of our home to be sure we met minimum space and safety requirements, then attended a 2 hour orientation meeting where we were finger-printed and gave permission for background checks, followed by two more 3 hour training sessions, and more hours of online training. In our state this must all be done in a specific order, and missing a step will make you re-start the entire process. Once this was completed we did a "homestudy" which consists (or is suppose to consist) of a detailed inspection of your home to be sure you've met all the safety requirements, and an interview by your social worker with every member of the household regarding your motivation for foster care, parenting philosophy, day to day lives, religion, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. (you get the point). As mentioned above, we also had to submit financial documents and have physicals as part of the licensing process. It might sound like a lot, but really it wasn't very difficult at all, they're just making sure that vulnerable kids get placed in safe and loving homes!

Foster Kids

Q. What determines the foster children who are placed with you?

A. We do! When we applied to be foster parents we listed all of our criteria. Right now we've even put a limit on the length of placement we're able to take since there's a chance we move out of state after graduation next year. Age, gender, levels of disabilities, and even race are traits that we were able to say we would or wouldn't be willing to accept. Strangely, every time I receive a call for a new placement, we are usually told very little, but we are always told the race. We even had CPS call us back once when they found out the race of the child was different than we'd been told (they didn't tell us the gender and age had also changed!). My response is always, "they can be purple for all I care!" When we get a call for a placement we can say yes or no based on the information they give us or our situation. 

Q. "Was it drugs?" (and other questions about foster kids' backgrounds and parents)

A. I can't tell you. I might not even know, and we REALLY aren't allowed to discuss the specifics of a foster child's situation because it's really not our place to tell. What I can tell you, is that children come into care for many different reasons, and it's always important to respect the child, the child's biological family, and the privacy of everyone involved. If you ask me a question and I give you a vague answer, please don't push me to give more information. It's hard not to talk about it, but we want to keep our commitment to respect everyone involved in the process. If there's a question you'd like to ask, prefacing it with "if you aren't allowed to discuss it, that's okay, but I was wondering...." is a great way to show your interest while respecting everyone and our commitments. 

Helpful and Unhelpful Things

Q. What are some unhelpful things that people say to foster parents?

A. I try to understand that everything you say is said with the best intentions so if you've said any of these, I'm not upset, I probably don't remember because a million other people have probably said it too. The most common thing most of us hear is "I couldn't do it, I'd get too attached." This is such a common thing that people say that I'm sure most people never think about the implications of it. But to a foster parent, we hear a few different things in this sentence that I'm going to try to briefly unpack; bear with me. First, it says that we must have some sort of special ability to do this, which isn't true. We're normal people with normal limitations and normal hearts. Second, it implies that we don't love them "too much." On this point, the first thing I'll say is that when we had our 2.5 month long placement, I had actual doubts about whether or not I would love our own children as much as I loved her; the same doubts that many parents experience when they are expecting their second child. The amount that we love these children is nothing less than your love for your own kids. Loving them means doing what's best for them, and recognizing that what's best might not be us, it's their own family! Yes, we've selfishly wished that we could keep a foster forever. Yes, saying goodbye was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but, we've learned that when hard comes your way, you do what you need to do, you do what is best, and you make it through. That means saying goodbye, and it means letting your own heart be broken for a child who you love and may never see again and finding out that you're okay after-all. That all being said, this statement implies that these kids aren't worth your love. This statement says "my own emotional comfort is more important than welcoming vulnerable, scared children in need of love and care into my home." I know this isn't what goes through your mind when you say this, but it's what we hear. Not everyone is able to be a foster parent, but please don't write it off so quickly, and there are better ways to acknowledge the difficulty of foster care than this statement. Okay, that wasn't brief, my bad. Most other things that are unhelpful stem from this and what I said above about respecting biological families and privacy: "will you be able to adopt her", "maybe the family won't want her and you can adopt her", "how much do you get paid" etc. Please remember that I will always try to understand that what you've said is with the best intentions and remind myself you just may not know how to say it, or I might have training or information that you don't; I really don't get my metaphorical feathers ruffled over it! Now on to the flip side of this:

Q. What are some helpful things people can SAY to foster parents?

 A. Basically, just have some tact when you talk to foster parents! Ask kind, open questions instead of making statements and assumptions! We want to answer your questions as much as we're able to (hence this blog post!), and we want your support. Please don't let worrying about offending me get in the way of you asking, but also be teachable, and not a busybody!Ask out of genuine concern and a desire to get to know us and our kids, and you can't go wrong! Let us know that you pray for us, and that you love us and our kids for however long they may be around! The way our church loved our foster daughter while she was with us was incredible to us, and their sadness at her leaving was an encouragement, especially when people were able to share the bittersweetness with us. Again, ask us about our emotions and experiences instead of assuming what they are, foster care is complicated and messy, and so are our emotions about it! If you've read this, it means you care, and we are so thankful for you and your willingness to learn about our lives and our kids!

Q. What are some helpful things people can DO for foster Parents?

A. Normal things you'd do for other new parents, but you may have to do them a little differently. Meals are 100% always appreciated, especially when we first get a new placement! Babysitting can be tricky, because there are restrictions on who can watch foster-children, but you can still find ways. Ask foster parents what you can do to be able to babysit for them (this may mean getting background checked through CPS) or offer to come play with the kids or rock babies at the foster family's house so the parents can clean, cook, fold laundry, nap, or just sit in another room to have an uninterrupted conversation, or even better, do some cleaning for them so they can bond with their fosters! There are ALWAYS bottles in need of washing at our house when we have a placement! A friend of ours even offered to come stay overnight and get up with our foster baby throughout the night for us once to let us get some sleep! Even though we never took him up on it, the thought was very appreciated! Encourage your kids to play with our kids instead of being afraid of their "influence", foster kids need friends too, and having friends will help them heal and learn! Understand that we aren't allowed to discipline our children the same way you might discipline yours, and that there may be traumas and emotional issues that you aren't aware of when foster parents interact with their children and respond to their behaviors. If the foster family has other kids, offer to take the bio kids (and maybe do something special with them) so the parents can bond with the new child or take them to the doctor/visitations, etc! Another thing you can do is offer gently used hand-me-downs and extra furniture to foster families. Our area has a huge facebook group for this that allows people to donate to foster homes, or biological families who need to meet certain requirements to be able to bring their kids home (beds, clothes, food, etc!). Please, don't offer them your junk though! And, of course, pray for us and our kids, and ask us how you can do so!

Wow. Thanks for reading this, friends! Your support means the world to us and there's no way we could do this without our community behind us! If you have any questions about foster care, or any interest in becoming foster parents, please reach out, we LOVE to talk about it!

Life In-Between

Since "Precious" left 3 and a half weeks ago, we've had one more placement come and go (newborns are HARD, y'all!!), and have adjusted back to a child-free life. It wasn't easy, in fact it's been downright hard some days. I will admit, there have been temper-tantrums that probably made my husband feel like there was a child in the house. I felt like I lost the one thing I was really good at. I felt like I lost the social circles and opportunities that come with having a little on your hip. I miss her, but I also just miss being a mom. And I miss my own littles more for it. But we're trying to make the most out of time without kids, and I'm grateful to find that, by God's grace, I'm doing a decent job of it, because I haven't always.

A few months after the first miscarriage, my best friend asked if I wanted to come up to Chicago and go to Six Flags Great America with her because she had free tickets for an upcoming weekend. It just so happened that it was "Confederate Memorial Day" down here in the deep south (yeah, I never knew that was a thing either) and I had a long weekend, so I was able to go! I told a small group I was part of about this trip, to which one of the women responded "it's nice to be able to just go and do that since you don't have kids."

Ouch.

She didn't know. It wasn't her fault, but that sentence cut deep because I was already afraid that I was dishonoring my child by going and doing something I wouldn't have been able to if he or she was still alive. I lived with this mindset for a long time, and I made myself miserable because of it. I was no good to anyone because of it, and I didn't honor God because I wanted to blame someone else for how miserable I was. So, I blamed him, though I would never have admitted it at the time.

I've since learned that the Lord gives joy and blessing even in the hardest of circumstances. We are not wrong to enjoy those things which we would not otherwise have been allowed. He also allows us to use our circumstances to love others and love him in ways we wouldn't have been able to in other circumstances.

In the last few weeks without kids, we've: babysat other fosters, and gone on a spontaneous camping trip, and stayed up late, and slept through the night (praise the Lord...), and spent an entire Sunday afternoon playing a board game, and attended a foster-care training/support group, and had friends over, and had 5 adults sleep in our two bedroom/one bathroom apartment one night, and made goals for ourselves to get healthier and more self-disciplined, and re-organized our entire apartment, and I've been more focused at work, and we've missed our foster-love, and we've missed our babies, and we've seen again that the Lord is good, and that sorrow and joy can mingle. That they don't cancel each other out, but make each other more wholesome in a way. We've fully understood what we've lost, and yet the good things are even sweeter when they are a balm to the soul.

In all of this, I'm reminded that the greatest tragedy in history was also my greatest good; when our very creator suffered and agonized and died, we were granted freedom and access to him that we never had before. I've been excused from condemnation for my sin and clothed in righteousness because an innocent man, the Son of God, was condemned to die on my behalf.  "Did e'er such love and sorrow meet, or thorns compose so rich a crown?" God redeems a broken world. He redeemed his own betrayal, humiliation and death for his glory and our good. He redeems our lives that have been mangled by our sin and by the effects of sin on the physical world; he gives beauty and joy in the midst of loss and confusion and he gives mercy and grace and healthy conviction in the midst of temper-tantrums and bad attitudes and pity parties. He is patient, he is kind, and he is good.

Sovereignty and the "Should have Been"

We're visiting Matt's family this week. We thought we'd have foster love with us, but it's okay that we don't. She never should have been ours in the first place. What's hard is having had a child in our home, how easy it is now to imagine what it would be like with our own kids. When I close my eyes as I sit on the deck, I can see the kiddie pool and the sprinkler with my blonde haired, blue eyed  23 month old Brighton laughing with auntie Sarah, playing with daddy, snuggling with grandma, being teased by grandpa and saying "mommy look!" as I rest my drink on my growing baby belly and chat about our plans for Brighton's second birthday party later this month or next. I can smell the sunscreen, hear the water, feel the sticky fingers covered in melted popsicle....

But none of that is real. None of that is the lord's plan. However beautiful it might have been, his plan is even better, even if it's harder; even if I don't see it right now. At the same time, our family is not together, and that's a result of the sin in this world and the fallen nature of even our own bodies. I rest in God's sovereignty while I mourn our babies and the life that could have been; that even in some ways should have been.

The hollowness of losing children may fade into the background most days, but there are times their absence is still felt as strongly as their presence would have been; when I feel like if I listened hard enough, I could almost hear my toddler laughing and playing in the backyard. And my heart longs for the day we can all be together. But today, I must choose to live in reality, and not get lost in the could have been. To believe in God's goodness, and not in my own wisdom, and to remember that the best beautiful sunny day with family still pales in comparison with my children's reality: the presence of their heavenly father, and their savior and co-heir and brother, Jesus Christ. He cares for us, he cares for them, and he will set all things right. Praise the Lord.

Signing up for Goodbye

We didn't sign up to foster because we don't have our own kids (though we love having a full home).
We didn't sign up to foster to make ourselves happy (though we find great pleasure in it).
We didn't sign up to foster as a way to adopt (though if a child needed a forever home, we'd say yes).
We did sign up up to foster to love and care for children who need someone to show them love and care until their own people are able to again. We signed up to say goodbye.

And now I'm sitting here in the post-goodbye. Putting off packing up the toys and clothes and bottles that didn't go with her, and remembering that when we signed up for the giggles and snuggles, we signed up for the heartache.

It's not natural for parenthood to come and go. It's not natural for kids to have to live away from their families. Nothing about foster care is "right." It exists because of brokenness, and that brokenness brings uniquely hard things and heartaches.

It means forming deep attachments even when you know it can all be over tomorrow. For the past two and half months we loved fiercely and fully without holding back, knowing we would say goodbye, but not letting that keep us from giving her every bit of love we could.

It means uncertainty. We've known from day two that goodbye was the plan. We've known for a week and half that it was coming soon. But it came quick and out of the blue today, one day before we were set to leave on vacation. Within 4 hours of the first call today, we'd said our goodbyes to our first longer-term foster love. She was gone as quickly as she'd come.

It means being thankful for things others take for granted. We are grateful that we can be 100% confident that she is loved and cared for; something that isn't always the case in fostering, but is true for most parents.

It means remembering that our children are not our own. Whether they are biological, foster or adopted, they are never ours. They belong first and foremost to God, whom we trust to love them and care for them even more than we do. And, in the case of fostering, it means remembering that even though we may be parents to these little ones today, we aren't their only parents, and we aren't their true parents and we aren't their only family. They belong to someone else, we're just filling in.

It means that "not fair" only applies to kids, not foster parents. Today was fast and hard, but it was fair. No one in this system is obligated to take our feelings into account. The only thing that matters is the child and their family, and that's fair. We waived our right to "not fair" when we signed up. What's not fair is to keep a child from their people longer than is necessary.

It means remembering that just because we signed up doesn't mean it's easy. There is appropriate grief to be found, but it must not overshadow what is right for the child. Yes, it was hard. But we've done what we set out to do, and we handed off a happy, healthy child to her people; we've loved hard, and we've hurt hard, and she's better off for it. Please, let it be hard for us, but please know that it's fair, and that hard is good. We signed up for this, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

With only one guaranteed year left here, we haven't decided if we'll continue to foster now or wait until we've settled in wherever Matt finds a job. But doubtless, there will be more children in need of a loving home for any amount of time, and we look forward to welcoming the next one, making them safe and loved and happy and healthy, and saying goodbye again and again and again. Because someone's got to do it, and I'm happy for it to be me, even in the goodbyes.

Another Name

It took us 2 years and 18 days to name our first baby; it only took us 17 days to name our second baby: Keelan Sabbath Pinckard. 

Keelan: Little, Fair. This precious, tiny, fragile baby was and is loved so deeply, and I know that the depth of my love for this little one is little in comparison with the Lord's love for both me and my children.

Sabbath: Rest. Eternal glory is a sabbath rest, and this little one has entered that rest. The Lord has also given us rest from our grief with this assurance and comfort. 

Pinckard: A part of our family forever, and a hole in our hearts until we join that Sabbath rest.


Keelan and Brighton's blurry ultrasounds hang on our living room wall with their names and birthdates written underneath the only pictures we have of them. Together, the names, pictures, dates, and the hollow space in our lives are the only things we have of them this side of heaven. Their names are so precious to us because they allow us to name that feeling of something missing that never quite goes away, even in the happiest of times. They allow us to honor them as image bearers and children of God. Their names remind us that though they are far away, they are no less real. Though they were small, they are not small in the mind and the plan of the Lord, and they are not small in our minds and hearts either. In fact, they are a huge part of our everyday lives. They remind us that one day, we will meet them face to face, and in their presence, we will call them the names that we have given them in their absence. Together, we will worship the Lord who holds us all in his hands. Our children are not our own, "but belong body and soul, in life and in death, to our faithful savior Jesus Christ." We praise him for Brighton and Keelan's lives and that he cares for them, that he cares for us, and that we are not left without hope as we grieve, but rest in his sacrifice that has granted us eternal life and the great comfort and joy that we have because of it.

When Sorrows Like Sea Billows Roll

We lost another baby this week.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say 'it is well, it is well with my soul.'"

After 5 weeks of beautiful, joyous peace like a river, the sea billows are rolling. Two years and 5 months after losing our first baby, and after 16 months of infertility, we found out we were finally, miraculously, pregnant again with no medical intervention. It was hard at first to think of it as anything definite, but slowly we were able to have faith that this time, everything would (maybe) be okay. The morning sickness came like a beast along with all the other classic symptoms, and we thought "great, proof that all is well!" We told friends and family quickly, because, after going through it once, we're still  firm believers in celebrating new life with our loved ones, and having their support if tragedy strikes. We finally went for the first ultrasound at 9 weeks, knowing in the back of our minds that there isn't always a happy ending, but excited and optimistic nonetheless. And then we discovered that it seems our baby stopped growing 3 weeks earlier, and if his or her heart ever beat, it wasn't now, and we never heard it, and we never will in this life.

In this life.

In this second great loss, I rest upon two and a half years worth of God's grace through which I struggled with the why and the what and the how and the what now. 

I rest in the words of the Canon of Dort that my brother sent me yesterday:

"We must judge concerning the will of God from his Word, which declares that the children of believers are holy, not by nature but in virtue of the covenant of grace, in which they are included with their parents. Therefore, God-fearing parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in their infancy."

And then I rest upon the knowledge that each and every day with our savior is immeasurably better than the best day that I could have ever given my child here with me. I rest in the knowledge that God loves our children even more than we do, and that even when his plan is hard, his plan is good. He is good. I rest upon this firm, beautiful conviction and comfort that I finally came to so recently while I struggled to find joy and contentment in the midst of infertility: if I never get pregnant again, God is good. If I have 10 miscarriages, God is good, and if we have living children, God is good. His goodness and love are not dependent on my circumstances, for He has loved me from everlasting. He has given his Son for me, and if he would do that, then there is no shadow of a doubt about his love and goodness towards me and my children.

The loss of my own children reminds me of the difficulty of God giving up his own son for unworthy sinners. Jesus' anguish in the garden and on the cross reminds me that he went through worse than these, the deepest, most painful and terrible experiences of my life, in order that I and my children might have the gift of righteousness and eternal life.

And I find comfort that the Lord has brought me so far since the word miscarriage first entered our everyday lives two and half years ago. I praise God that the bitterness and anger that I allowed to hold me hostage for so long have no place in my heart and mind today as I face the same tragedy again. I am grateful for the incredible co-workers, bosses, friends and church family who have created an incredible support network, and for a husband who feels the loss and grief as much as I do, and for family who knows and grieves that they too have lost a grandchild/niece/nephew; I am so grateful that this time, I am not alone. I am grateful for the little princess that lives with us right now  who fills me with joy and makes me smile on the darkest days. I am grateful that instead of anger towards the Lord, today he is sweeter than ever to me, for I know that he loves and cares for me and for my children, and that he is here and he is good; even when it is unbearably hard, he is SO good to me.

These blessings and the truths that have carried me through the last couple years are held close like a buoy in these sea billows, and I can say through the tears and the agony that, through no effort of my own, but by God's grace and mercy, "it is well, it is well with my soul." Praise the Lord.

My One Day as a Foster Parent

We got our first foster-baby a couple of weeks ago! Here's how it went down:

Wednesday: I was at a conference in Atlanta with some ladies from presbytery and a friend. When we had been deciding how to arrange our transportation I figured that my friend and I should probably drive separately from the rest of the group in case I needed to leave early for foster-care, but that night at the hotel I prayed "Lord, if there is a child who isn't safe where they, please bring them to our home, but just maybe not this weekend!" Little did I know....

Thursday: In the afternoon we gathered for the first session of the conference, and as I silenced my phone I joked to the person next to me that I always keep my phone on obnoxiously loud in case CPS ever decided to call me. We sang a few songs and sat down, and when I looked at my phone I saw that I had missed a call from my social worker. I freaked out entirely silently and ran out of the room to the hallway where I texted and then called my social worker until she answered me because I was afraid she would call the next person on her list since she hadn't gotten a hold of me! After a couple tries she answered and told me they were going to have an 8 month old in need of a foster home within the next few days and asked if we would be willing. "Uh, YESS!!! I've only been waiting THREE MONTHS FOR YOU TO CALL ME!" is what I thought in my head. Really I just said "YES! But I'm in Atlanta, how soon do I need to be home?!?!" And she said to sit tight while she got in touch with the baby's case worker. So I called Matt and my parents and his parents, and then waited ANXIOUSLY the rest of the day, and in typical government fashion, I didn't hear anything back. After so long, and it being so difficult to get a child in our home, I quickly began to think that something had changed, and they wouldn't need us anymore. I was so excited to finally be really doing this, but the tragedy wasn't lost on me. Something has to go terribly wrong for a child to be put into foster-care. But I was glad that the Lord (and CPS) had chosen us to be there for this child during this time.

Friday: She got back in touch, and towards the end of the day and we were told that he would be coming on Saturday. So Rachel and I packed up, said goodbye to the presbytery ladies, and headed back to Jackson! I got home around 11pm, and Matt and I pulled out clothes and bedding and made lists and got ready in whatever ways we could!

Saturday: We got up, ran to Walmart to try to get everything we needed and just generally kill time until we were contacted by peanut's social worker. Finally, we were told that we wouldn't be needed until Monday.

Monday: This is the point where I can't give out any details since it now involves personal details about peanut's situation. But, we finally walked through our door with him in our arms! Many snuggles were had, and he fell asleep in my arms and slept through the night in his crib! (Hallelujah!)

Tuesday: I took peanut to walmart at 7:30am cuz we'd already been up for two hours and he needed things. It was a categorical disaster which I was thankfully able to laugh at even as it was happening. Then, almost exactly 24 hours after peanut came, he was able to leave. Again, we can't give much detail, but we can say that we are confident that the situation was worked out in his best interest!

When it was all said and done, we spent way longer getting ourselves and our home ready for him than he spent with us! However, we are so grateful that we were able to be there for a child who needed a safe and loving place to land, even if it was just for a day! After all of our struggles with the system, we were able to see it work as it was intended, which was such an encouragement! I know that it won't always be a joy to see a foster-child leave our home, but this time it was, and we are so grateful for that. Everyone seemed surprised at how okay I was, myself included to some extent. But I didn't sign up to be a foster parent so I could pretend that I'm the best place for every child who comes through my door; I signed up to help children and families in need for as long as they need it. This time it was one day. Next time it may be longer, someday it may even be forever. Now we just wait for the next call to come so we can say "YES! We will care for this child as long as they need us, and we will love and pray for them forever!"